Sushi Money

     When did raising children ever become an issue about money?  Sure, many of us held off having kids at certain times because we wanted to do some things first, or wait until we were settled in our careers.  And for some of us, it just “happened” and we marched steadily forward in our lives with kids in tow. 

     Now it seems we find information everywhere about people questioning the “value” that children represent to a family, or how much kids “cost” over time.  Business Week drummed up the attention grabbing headline ”Is Raising Kids a Fool’s Game?“   It’s an informative article that weighs the economic realities of having kids.  But it also bothers me though…  what kind of question is that?  Is raising kid’s a fool’s game?  Not on your life!   Kids might make you feel like a fool, but I hope I don’t become so economically cold that I start analyzing the financial relationships between my son’s growing up and our household budget.   

     Maybe we all do that in some ways, it’s only natural… “No son, you can have single scoop of ice cream… not a double today, and no we’re not putting money in that stuffed-animal claw machine and you don’t need bubble gum again!”  But I could never question what it actually costs to raise kids as some comparison to the perceived or emotional ”value” that having children represents. 

     Some people do raise those questions however.  Phillip Longman, author of The Empty Cradle: How Falling Birthrates Threaten World Prosperity and What to Do About It, looks critically at the economic costs of raising kids.  I haven’t read the book, but quotes like these give what appears as a too realistic, or perhaps mechanical view of human life:

“Child rearing is fast becoming a sucker’s game. Though the psychic rewards remain, the economic returns to individual parents have largely disappeared, while the cost of parenthood is soaring.”

       It’s not something I think we can, or should, make comparisons about.  Kids are amazing.  They’re a reflection of who we are, of generations of people just like us.  Kids are the future…. they’re our future.  When we are old and gray, the “kids” will be running the store.  They may even be helping us with a few things, and hopefully doing a pretty good job.  But I think having kids is more than that… it brings something out that we would not see or realize about ourselves otherwise.

Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.  John W. Whitehead

     In some ways, I don’t think one can fully understand what it is to be human without being a parent and raising children.  And not even biological children-  I think one can adopt children and feel the same incredible joys and sorrows of being a parent, and being humbled by ourselves.  In many ways that’s really what we find… an experience in which we begin to learn more of who we are, how we grew up and what has shaped our lives along the way.  We find out so much more about ourselves when we give to someone else as a parent and help them grow in their own life.  It’s hard to describe… but is a wonderful and revealing journey.  I believe we are even helping to shape the world that will be simply by imparting our values and experiences to our children. 

     Yes, children and higher birth rates do contribute to the economic realities the world faces… but we are not robots or machines simply breeding and mechanically contributing to the species year after year.  What kind of view of life is that?  And is having kids expensive?  Oh my goodness, yes- there’s no question about that.  I don’t know how families with 4-5 children get by honestly.  Or what about the Duggar family in Arkansas… an amazing family with 17 children!   Wow.  How do they do it?  I couldn’t even imagine.

      Children are like non-stop consuming and mess-making machines.  While they’re young, it doesn’t really end… just keeps going as they keep growing, and the minute you think you’ve got it figured out- they get sick, or throw some other curveball at you.  It’s a full-time, grown up job.  Something that takes discipline, maturity and yes- money.  Lots of money over time.  Today the cost of raising one child can be more than a quarter of a million dollars. 

Take a look at the real estimates of what it costs to raise children- this is from the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Annual Expenditures on Children by Families for 2006.  It’s a detailed annual publication with lots of infomation- (here’s a link to the annual report if desired, but it’s a large PDF file).

   The journey of being a parent is so full of surprises.  This morning my 7-year old son woke up, saw me in the hallway, and ran up to give me a great big hug.  He said, “This is the best week I’ve had since I was a baby!”   ”It is?”  I asked, surprised, but not understanding.  “What’s so great about it?” I asked.  He said, “I don’t know… it just is, and I love you.”  

   That was worth any amount of money I could ever have… and I’ll probably remember it the rest of my life.  We get back far more than we ever put in to raising children.  Today our son dragged his mom around picking up canned goods for charity for the Cub Scout’s annual food drive.  All together our little group of kids gathered over 2500 food items for a pantry at a local church.  They said it would support local families for 3-4 months during a challenging season.  He really enjoyed helping other people, and learned a lot from participating.    After that all the kids gathered at the cub scout meeting for the space derby race, where we “raced” the rockets and spaceships that we spent the last few weeks making.   

     Everybody’s busy though… tons of other stuff needs done, the house is a mess, there are leaves to rake, and more.  But it was his time this morning.  The joy we see in a child’s eyes holds the reflections of all that is simple and beautiful about life.  We see ourselves in those reflections.  We see joy and beauty in places we never even dreamed about.  A fool’s game?  Nope.  Not even close.

    

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